Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Things to do in Athens

1. Find Mexican Food

Living in Greece for an extended period of time can be extremely trying on the American constitution, trained as it is to extract energy from highly-spiced foods. American visitors to Greece are advised to consume large amounts of hotwings, chili, General Tso's chicken, and spicy salsa prior to exiting the United States. Upon arrival in Greece, be prepared to lose all interest in food, massively increase one's salt and pepper intake, and experience reoccurring nightsweats due to guacamole deficiency. Commonly, a cause of severe distress for Americans is the shock to the system caused by sudden and unexpected shortages of Mexican Food, an American staple to which most US citizens are addicted, without their knowledge.

In case of emergency, proceed on the Metro's Blue Line to the Chalandri Station, disembark and continue for 20 minutes in the direction of downtown Athens. Immediately enter Sante Fe Restaurant (Agiou Georgiou 30B). Research has shown that the food provided in said restaurant, owned by former residents of New Mexico, meets the dietary standards for decreasing the debilitating effects of Sans Mexican Food Shock.
There's even sour cream.

2. Play American Football
In order to boost morale, a common recommendation for Americans in Greece is an occasional game of football, sure to improve dispositions and circulate the humours. Best played on football-related holidays such as Thanksgiving or Superbowl Day, Americans are advised to play on the open killing-field behind the American Embassy. Should participants be ejected from the field by Greek policemen, continue play in the open game-area several blocks removed from the Embassy. It is highly recommended that the game not take place in the portion of the field reserved for pet use. Although the remaining portion of the green has a wet and marshy quality, known to be hazardous to upright bipedalism and conducive to injury, mud is recognized for its healing effects on the epidermis. In order to combat the subsequent toxic flood of lactic acid within the muscular system, consume large amounts of water and, if able, see a local masseuse.

3. Have a BBQ
Grilling large quantities of high-calorie meats is a past-time familiar to many Americans, and if possible, is an activity that should be continued while habitating in Greece. The most popular dish for such occasions is the famous Bacon Explosion, composed of woven bacon slices surrounding sausage and additional bacon bits. If the Bacon Explosion catches fire and takes on the appearance of a volcano-charred Herculaneum papyrus scroll, slice it open and consume the interior with a spoon, as one would eat a kiwi.


Anonymous said...

Wow, am I getting old, old, old!!! As an American born and bred who is beginning to think it might be possible to be proud of that again---- oops forget that, I was getting political and this about FOOD ---Well, only times I have left these once great states is to go to border towns between California/Mexico and Texas/Mexico, there to take great pleasure in the local alcohol and the food. It seems I have missed something important---what the heck is General Tso chicken? If it has a distinct and loud flavor that would be oh so terrific....now I shall google General Tso...sr

Anonymous said...

Sour cream? We've been looking for sour cream left and right, I think it's impossible to find it in this country.

Also, you really tried the Bacon Explosion? I can feel my arteries clogging at the thought.

Jeremy LaBuff said...

You know I don't speak Spanish!

Claire said...

they also have margaritas at that place. not exactly the best you've ever had, but certainly the most satisfying after a few months abroad.

Katie said...

Yea, the margaritas looked a lot better than those on Paros, where instead of putting the salt on the edge of the drink, they put it inside the beverage. Yuck.